The Year of the Roller Coaster

I have had a chance this week to reflect on the events of the past year.  

My year started off in a very dark place because I did not truly allow myself to grieve the loss of our child the previous year.  It was extremely difficult to extricate myself from the hole I was in and God knew I was in trouble.  He sent some friends my way to help get me out and set me back on the right track.  It took a few months of hard work, but I finally allowed myself to be angry about our loss and grieve it.  Giving myself permission to be angry is what finally unlocked the healing, I think.  I pray none of you have ever had to experience this, and I pray you never will.  It is something you can never really forget or recover from, but you can learn to accept it and find a place for it in your heart so that you can continue on. Even as I write this, I can't stop the tears from falling.

And from the recovery period of this experience, I learned just how deep the desire in my heart is for the child I have seen in my dreams for the last fifteen years.  The daughter that will join our family through adoption.  Tony and I have discussed adopting since we were dating and we always knew it was quite possibly part of God's plan for our family.  I have felt the pull growing stronger and stronger for the last couple of years, but I was afraid he didn't feel the same way so I didn't say anything.  In February, God helped me conquer my fear and tell him just how strongly I felt about looking into it right now.  He answered me with the sweetest words he could have ever said to me at that moment, "The Spirit has been working on my heart, too."  I don't think I had ever loved that man more than at that exact moment.  We prayed about it for a few weeks and then started doing some research. A LOT of research.  We explored domestic and international.  We researched about twenty countries, and about ten of those in depth.  We went to a seminar, watched adoption videos, read books, talked to people.  And we finally found an agency called Adoption Ark that was piloting a program for a country called Kyrgyzstan.  We learned all we could about this agency, this country, the need for adoptive parents.  We received the requirements from our caseworker and plunged into this new world headfirst.  We jumped through hoop after hoop. And then, when the requirements changed, we jumped through those, too.  We were told the "paperwork pregnancy" would take between six and nine months- we finished it all in less than four.  We were only waiting on one last piece of paper before we could mail everything off. 

It came the very same day we found out we were pregnant.  

We prayed about this new development together and asked for God's guidance.  We both received the same answer.  He was calling us to have two more children right now. We would proceed with the adoption and be pregnant.  How amazing is our God?! We felt completely humbled and blessed that He would give us the gift of not one, but two children at the same time.  Little did we know His true plan.  A few weeks after we found out we were pregnant, on July 2nd, we went for a sonogram to find out how far along we were because we didn't know. The sonographer made a discovery that would forever change our lives: I see two heartbeats.

In my life I have never experienced such an overwhelming, all-encompassing joy and such an overwhelming, all-encompassing sense of loss at the same time. I knew at that moment, we had just lost our daughter in Kyrgyzstan.  We felt the Lord leading us to add two more children to our family right now, but not three more.  I felt this loss just as strongly as I felt the loss of our last child.  I fell into another pit grieving her for about five weeks.  Because I had just been in this same pit not even six months before, I knew I didn't want to stay in it for long.  God helped me get out of it this time with the tools I had gained from the last time.  I still long for this daughter and I always will. Last night, we were packing up some of Sydney's outgrown clothes and unused items and we came across the special blanket we purchased for this daughter.  The longing in my heart is still strong, and we pray about this child still.  If it is in His plan for our family, one day we will bring her home.  I only ask for comfort and patience for my heart until that day comes.

This past year has been quite the roller coaster of emotions for our family. Great highs and great lows.  But one thing has been constant throughout this journey- the presence of God. Looking back, there is not one moment I cannot see His hand or feel His presence, not one.  He is a constant comfort and ever present source of help in times of trouble. He is always there to offer me hope, especially in my darkest hour.  How blessed am I?  How blessed are we all? To have such a loving Father as He.  All praise and glory be His.

Status Report

Nothing new to report- which is good news, I guess. Everything is going very well right now. Still having contractions, but no dilation as of yet.  My doc still wants me coming every two weeks which puts my next appointment/sonogram on Dec. 30.  He is considering me further along than the due date suggests-based on the boys' size in the sonograms.  According to him we are 32 1/2 weeks, instead of not quite 32 weeks. Not a big difference, but every little bit counts!  

Big sister Sydney is super excited about her brothers, but right now the impending arrival of Santa Claus is overshadowing pretty much everything else.  The only thing she tells people she wants (when they ask her, of course) is a swim doll.  I am not too excited about this particular desire. I have read the reviews online about the toy (as all consumers should) and it has about a 50/50 track record.  Half the dolls work and half do not.  But since this is her only real request, I guess we have to get it. Luckily it only costs about $25 and is not overly expensive.  I really just don't want to carry it to the pool or figure out how to dry it out and store it between baths. She and I have been practicing for her preschool musical for about a month and a half now.  And she has got her lines and lyrics down pat.  I cannot even tell you how much I was looking forward to her musical debut this year (especially with all the not doing anything).  On the night of her big production (it lasted 10 minutes), she was so excited.  We sang in the bath before the program and in the car on the way there.  We got there and she was fairly jumping up and down. We went to take our seats and wait for it to start.  When she walked in and saw us, she smiled real big and waved her arms.  Then she saw everyone else and froze.  Then the lip came out.  The show started and instead of singing and dancing her heart out (as she did at home) she wouldn't smile, wouldn't sing, wouldn't say her lines, wouldn't dance, and all she would do is stare at everyone with her lip out.  During the last song we thought she was finally going to start crying, but instead she said very loudly (people 6 rows behind us heard her), "Daddy, I have to go potty."  Three times.  Everyone around us started snickering.  And so her musical debut did not go according to plan. Since then, she has asked every day if it is time to go to her program. I think she may have blocked it out.

30 weeks and counting...

As you will probably guess from the content of this blog, I am getting a little bored.  Four weeks down and at least four more to go, the bedrest is starting to get to me.  I have completed almost all of the little "projects" I can do from the couch and I need some new ones.  Online Christmas shopping-check. Christmas cards-check. Online nursery shopping-check.  Thank you cards-check. Obsessive list making-check. Hired people to complete nursery-check. That was a hard one to do because I really wanted to do it myself. But seeing as how it is upstairs and I am supposed to stay downstairs and rest, that was not going to happen.  I haven't even seen it yet!  Granted, it is still a work in progress, but it is hard to keep from going up every hour to check on the progress.  I think it may be good for me to let other people "do" for me instead of trying to control everything like I usually do.  The only thing I need to control right now is protecting our sons.  And so far, I am doing a pretty good job. We have only been sent to L and D once for a shot to stop contractions and hopefully that is the only visit we will make until after 34 weeks.

My blog friend, Lori, had this list posted on her blog and I thought, why not.  I am not sure what title to give it other than 99 things I may or may not have done. If you find it interesting, copy it and post it on yours making the necessary changes for yourself.

1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity 
7. Been to Disneyland/world
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch-sewing
15. Adopted a child 
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill 
24. Built a snow fort 
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice 
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise 
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal in a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight 
46. Been transported in an ambulance 
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing

49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Gotten flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt 
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem-on the top of my list
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one 
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a lawsuit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee

Week Two

Well, modified bedrest is proving easier to do than I thought.  The only difficulty I am having is not being able to bake.  I love watching cooking shows and then trying out some of the things I see and not being able to do it this year has been a little hard. My family starts getting here today for Thanksgiving and I want to be in the kitchen baking sweet treats more than anything.  But I know what I am doing is way more important this year.  I just love making dough for homemade rolls and filling the air with that sweet, yeasty aroma.  Ahh, that's life (I tried to type that in French, but I have no idea how to spell it.)  As for the boys, they are getting bigger every day and I am able to actually feel their feet and hands with my fingers right now when they are moving. It is really neat and really strange at the same time considering there are eight of them (hands and feet that is, not babies!)  

Sydney is doing great with Mommy not being able to do very much.  She and Tony are having a great time together. He was able to take her on all the errands on Saturday, which she really loved.  And after her nap, Tony took her to see her very first movie. Her best friend, Ardyn, and her daddy (Tony's best friend), came with them and they had a father-daughter double date. What a special treat that was for all of them!  When they were leaving for church on Sunday morning, I heard her say to Tony as they were walking out the door, "We will miss Mommy." So she is understanding that I just can't do very much right now and she is okay with it.  Having family here this week will be really great for her since all our family lives at least four hours away.  

Odds and Ends

Sydney had her big birthday party this weekend at the local bounce house place.  She had a fantastic time.  Most of my family and Tony's family were able to come to Amarillo for the party which was really wonderful for all of us.  The theme she picked for her party was "The Backyardigans," which is a cartoon on Nick Jr. for those of you who don't know.  The pictures are all still on the camera I think, so I will try to download some at a later date.  We also just got this super cool new camcorder that is about the size of a small digital camera and is super easy to use. I will try to put some of the video on if I can figure it out.  If you're looking for a great gift to give for Christmas, I would highly recommend this little camera.

We also purchased a new vehicle for our growing family this weekend: on Ebay.  And the whole transaction just went great!  We didn't get a great "deal," but we also didn't get ripped off by a dealer.  We paid what Edmunds said it should be worth.  Tony had to fly to Memphis, TN on Sunday to pick it up and drive it home.  It was as described and completing the paperwork went great.  So if you ever wondered what kind of person would buy a car on Ebay, we would!

At my doctor's appt. yesterday I got my movements restricted. I am officially on "modified bedrest."  This means for the next seven weeks I am only supposed to do things that are necessary- and apparently my weekly trips to Walmart are not "necessary."  I can take Sydney to school, but I can't run my usual errands after I drop her off.  I can take care of simple household tasks, but no laundry and no cooking.  I don't have to be in my bed 24/7, but I do have to lay down as much as possible.  This was prompted by some pretty serious contraction action I have been experiencing since 3:30 in the morning on Thursday.  Tony put me on restricted duty on Thursday until I saw my doctor yesterday and we heard what he had to say. And I must say, it really has helped.  I feel better, not as many contractions, and definitely less stressed and more relaxed.  So today I made a lot of lists. And a list for my lists.  If I can't do it myself, I will make lists so I can try to be sure someone else knows what needs to be done.  I think I am on my eighth list at the moment.  I am sure there are more to follow.  Hopefully this "modified bedrest" will do the trick and I will not need to be placed on full bedrest or the next step which is hospital bedrest.  We only have seven very short weeks to go before 34 weeks which is when my doctor will be okay with the boys making their debut.  

Good News

Sydney did about as well as can be expected during her tests today.  I think it was pretty rough on Daddy though.  The radiologist was very pleased with her results and tells us she does not have any of the major mechanical problems we were looking for which means she will not need surgery.  She does have a small amount of reflux when she voids her bladder that comes out and then goes back in and pools in her bladder. We think this is where she is picking up the bacteria that is causing the UTIs.  We don't have a plan of action as yet because we don't see her urologist until the 11th.  We are very happy with these results and please join with us in praising our Father for Sydney's continued good health. We thank you for all the prayers you have sent Him on our behalf.

Still Boys

I had another sonogram today and they are both still boys.  They are growing like they should be and look great!  Baby B is measuring about 26 weeks 2 days and Baby A is measuring 24 weeks 5 days.  They weigh 1 lb 12 oz and 1 lb 6 oz.  My doc said if they can stay in there for at least two more weeks they have a 90% chance of being born without any health problems.  We hope they will decide to stay at least another nine weeks.  Thank the Father for us.

Sydney has had a string of recurring UTIs for the last four months and as a result, she has to have a renal sonogram and a big test at the hospital tomorrow called a VCUG. This is a lovely test where they catheter her and inject radioactive dye into her bladder and watch what is does on some type of X-ray.  Now since it is an x-ray, I am not allowed to be in the room with her; her daddy gets that privilege. Please pray for her and us as this test will not be easy on any of us.  If the test shows what we think it will show, she will probably have to be scheduled for surgery to correct the problem.  My niece had the same problem when she was a baby, but hers corrected itself.  We do not think Sydney's will if that is what she has.  I'll keep you all posted on what happens with her tomorrow.

Go Cats!

We went to Abilene this weekend for ACU's homecoming.  We all had a great time and Sydney had a blast!  She went to a carnival, parade, played with her friends from Austin, and got to go to the zoo!  We also took some pictures while we were there for our Christmas card.  She was not too cooperative during the morning session, so we had to go back after nap to try again. Luckily those pictures went much better and our Christmas card has been ordered!  I have posted some of the more candid pictures from the shoot for you to enjoy.

Here she is posing in her new ACU cheerleader uniform.  We passed by a cheerleader on our way to the car and Sydney yelled out, "GO CATS!"  She was so excited!

Here she is showing you what she does about 15 times a day, hugging her brothers.

This is a fun action shot of her in the new dress I made for her birthday.

Smelling a rose.

.

Posing with the cute statues.

On the steps in the science building.

And here are some pictures from the Abilene Zoo. For those of you who don't know, this is one of the absolute best zoos for kids. They actually let you feed the animals with this special animal food they give you at the gate.  Sydney loved it! Especially feeding the giraffes on the bridge that goes over their enclosure because you can place the food right onto their outstretched tongues.

Cali-forn-i-a

Last week we packed up the family and headed to sunny California.  San Francisco to be exact. Tony had a conference and we all decided to go and have some fun for a few days before it is too late for me to travel.  Sydney and I stayed fairly close to the hotel in Union Square and went shopping, to the playground, the carousel and fun restaurants.  The conference provided childcare so we were able to leave Sydney there some and go to some fantastic restaurants at night and take a little side trip to Muir Woods and the wine country.  We had a great time just the two of us and enjoyed a quiet day together filled with seeing God's beautiful world.  The next day all three of us headed to Fisherman's Wharf and the recently opened Academy of Sciences for some family fun.  Sydney says she really enjoyed seeing the penguins and touching the sea-stars in the aquarium.  We went back to the carousel and the playground before enjoying a fun dinner at the Cheesecake Factory.  Daddy and Sydney demolished a slice of Dulce de Leche cheesecake with whipped cream.  Mommy and the boys were too full!  All in all we had a great time on our last family of three vacation.

First Question

Having had a day to ponder the wonderful news of our healthy baby boys, I find myself with more questions than answers.  What do I do with boys?  I was not blessed with a brother, so I am sorely lacking in the boy knowledge department.  Sure, I have a husband, but he is a man. I missed the whole "boy" time.  It may feel like he is a boy at times (i.e. picking up after him, cleaning, etc.) but he is definitely a grown man.  I have an almost three year old little girl. She wears tutus and hair-bows and tights. She plays with dolls and Dora and dishes.  She would have no idea what to do with trucks or trains or pirates.  We go to gymnastics and dance, not football and baseball.  Therefore, I do not know what to do with a boy, much less two of them.  I feel it will not be terribly different for the first year or two, but after that I fear I will be at a loss.  I don't want to encourage them to be rough and tumble, but neither do I want them to be girly boys.  I don't want them to play with guns and Power Rangers, but is it unavoidable?  How far does nature versus nurture go?  I know I don't have to have all the answers today, or even in the next year, but the questions are certainly already here.  If any of you have any thoughts or advice, please feel free to share them with me.  Any words of encouragement are greatly appreciated.  Many more questions to come in the future.

Two Very Healthy Baby...

We got up extra early this morning and went for our sonogram.  It was a little tough to tell at first because they were being a little shy, so we had to wait until they were ready to cooperate. The sonographer checked them both from head to toe while we waited patiently for them to move into viewing position.  Everything looked absolutely perfect.  All of their measurements were exactly what they should have been for 21 weeks.  Their brains and hearts looked great, kidneys and stomaches functioning as they should be.  And then the sonographer said, "We have a tallywacker!" And then a few minutes later she said, "We have another tallywacker!"  It is 100% positive that we are having two baby boys.  Tony is shocked. I am simply thrilled that they are both so healthy.  And Sydney.  Well, Sydney is voicing her disapproval.  Her initial reaction to the news of her brothers was, "NO! I want sisters!!!" Followed by some crying.  We, of course, had the video camera on hand to record her reaction for posterity.  I am sure someday we will all have a big laugh over it.  We respectfully request your prayers as we think about and learn what it will mean to be the parents of two little boys. We know it will not be the same as having another daughter and appreciate your advice and prayers as we prepare for their arrival in our family.  And if anyone has any ideas for bringing Sydney around, bring em on.  Love to all and many thanks for your continued prayers.

Brothers

Baby A's First Photo

Baby B's First Photo

Nice Calm Week

Everything has been pretty laid back around the Fillmore house for the last week which was very welcome after last week's events.  Sydney is all healed and will most likely not even have a scar to show when she tells her story thanks to the expertise of our plastic surgeon friend.  She does have two scabs on her knees from a sweet wipeout in the park on Tuesday, but I will take a couple of bloody knees any day over a trip to the ER for a date with a plastic surgeon and his scary looking torture devices.  

Sydney is convinced that "her babies" are both girls and is already purchasing gifts for them most recently in the form of identical pink elephants.  I am open for suggestions on what to do with these gifts if we find out the babies are boys.  Speaking of... the big day is only two days away!!! So please be sure to tune in sometime on Monday for the BIG announcement and hopefully some pictures if I can figure out the scanner to computer stuff. 

I am finally well and truly showing now and I seem to get bigger each day instead of each week with Sydney, so who knows just how big I will end up before they are born.  I will try to upload some pix in the near future.  I just really am not sure how to do it.  If they are on the computer already, I might be able to figure out where they are and how to get them on the blog, but if I have to download (or is it upload?) them from the camera... forget it.  Probably not going to happen.

The Day After

Sydney stayed home from school yesterday and I will probably want to keep her home at least one more day just to keep an eye on her.  I know I can't protect her every second, but I sure want to try.  The doorbell rang after her nap yesterday and we both went to see who it was.  I had completely forgotten we had ordered a dollhouse for her birthday (in November) and sure enough it was the UPS guy delivering her dollhouse.  She shrieked with delight and ran around in circles saying, "My dollhouse is here! My dollhouse is here!"  Now how could I deny this poor innocent little child who mere hours before had received seven stitches such a small thing that brought her such obvious pleasure?  What kind of mom would I be if I didn't immediately open the box and present her with the dollhouse? Even if it was still almost two months until her birthday.  SO... she has now been playing with said dollhouse nonstop except for eating and sleeping and it is so much fun to watch her singing to her dolls and walking them up the stairs. This particular dollhouse came with twin babies (which is why it was the obvious choice for her) much to her delight.  She is so enamored with babies right now and everywhere we go when she sees a baby, she asks if she can go see the baby.  Most of the time I tell her yes and so off she goes.  She touches the baby's feet (the only place we allow her to touch) and very quickly proceeds to inform the mother that she is having two babies. Which I think in her mind makes her special and different from everyone else. We were at the library the other day picking out books and I tried to get her to pick a book about a mom that is having a baby. She flipped through a couple of pages, but was quick to inform me that this mommy was only having one baby and she was having two.  She put it back on the shelf.  Do any of you ever wonder when our children got so smart?

Most Accidents Happen at Home

Funny how a quiet night at home can turn so quickly.  We cooked a nice dinner of beef stroganoff with ground turkey for a change of pace. After we cleaned up, Sydney suggested we go for a walk to look for flowers.  We told her that was a great idea so off we went.  We found flowers of every color along the way, climbed "hills" of dirt in an empty lot, and walked the "balance beam" around a statue.  Any number of places where she could have potentially injured herself. But she didn't.

We got back home and Sydney and I went upstairs for our bedtime routine.  Get in jammies, pick out books, brush teeth, hop in bed, and turn on her night time music.  All was going well and we had just finished brushing her teeth when it happened: the nightmare at our house.  She was stepping off of her wooden stool that was beautifully hand-painted by someone at our church and somehow it toppled over and upside down.  She landed with her face/mouth on one of the four legs.  I was right there and watched it happen in slow motion helpless to do anything to stop it.  I quickly scooped her up knowing it was going to be bad just no idea how bad.  The cries that came out of her were cries such as I have never heard before nor do I ever want to hear them again.  I was yelling for Tony to "get up here" as fast as I could because there was blood everywhere and it just kept coming.  He came thundering up the stairs and took her from me to assess the situation as only daddies can do sometimes  and this was definitely one of those times. He took one look at her and said she needs stitches right now. And something else I was not expecting: she needs a plastic surgeon.  The wound was such that not just anyone could stitch it up.  It was looked on the upper left part of her face known as the vermilion border which is the area where the lip skin meets the facial skin.  He explained to me that if it was not done properly she would be permanently disfigured around her mouth because the two skin types would not heal properly.  At this point the five month pregnant lady is just barely holding it together and I run to look up plastic surgeons, clearly forgetting for the moment that Tony is a surgeon with way better connections than I have.  He thrusts Sydney into my arms and runs downstairs for his phone. Five minutes later he has a plastic surgeon (AKA the hero) on his way to the ER to meet us and he has arranged for a room to be made ready for our imminent arrival there.  I get Sydney in the car with her DVD player and Tony brings an ice pack to place under the only washcloth I could find in Sydney's room: a white one.  She is doing pretty good for now and Tony takes her into the ER while I park the car.  I am unsure where they are as I enter the building until I hear my baby screaming at the top of her lungs. No one is even touching her, she is simply scared beyond endurance.  The surgeon arrives, the "muscle" wraps her up like a baby burrito and the real fun begins.  It takes all three of us to hold her still so the doc can numb up the wound; she is strong.  It takes three stitches to close the wound and we had to fight her for each one; she is strong.  We gratefully thank him and we take our little baby home to bed.  As I am tucking her in and Tony is getting her some Motrin, I notice she isn't closing her mouth. I asked her why and she said it tickles.  I look closer and sure enough one of the stitches is really too long and I ask Tony if he can cut it shorter. Upon his inspection, he realizes it is not just too long, it has come out!!!  He calls the plastic surgeon again and explains what happened and we leave to meet him again, luckily at his office this time instead of the ER.  This time there are just two of us to hold her down where before there were three. Did I mention that she is strong?  This time it takes four more stitches for a grand total of seven altogether (two had actually come out.)  

The moral of the story is: brushing your teeth can be hazardous to your health.

I Have Been Remiss!

If you are still reading this blog, thank you.  I have not posted in a long time and I vow to post more frequently again.  Here are my excuses: throwing up too much, was in a wedding (my pre-pregnancy dress still fit!!), went on a cruise in Alaska, loads of laundry and cleaning after being gone two weeks, preschool started- lots of errands, and general laziness.

I have read all of your blogs so I am up to date on all of y'alls' goings ons.  Thank you to those of you who do post regularly.

As you can see from the gestation "webcam" we are 18 weeks along.  I have finally gotten over the morning sickness and have not thrown up since August 20th HALLELUJAH!!!!  Well, I did throw up twice in Alaska, but there were extenuating circumstances: one- we were in a sea plane and it was not a beautiful picturesque day for flying and I made good use of the little white bag they so thoughtfully provided and two- we were on a bus in Victoria BC and it the gears kept sticking, lots of jerking, etc., etc. and unfortunately they did not provide little white bags. Other than that, I am in the clear!!!  Now the little thing I like to call dragon breath has started and with a vengeance. If I remember correctly with Sydney, the heartburn did not go away until after she was born so I think I am in this for the long haul. Oh well, I will take heartburn over constant vomiting any day.

Mark this date on your calendars- October 6th.  We will have our sonogram!!! I cannot wait to see my little babies and how they are doing! What do they look like? And are they boys or girls or both?!!!!  This is sure to be a banner day for our family so be sure to tune in. If I can figure out the scanner/computer thingie I will try to post some pix of them for y'all.  As far as pix of me go, I really am not that big yet, I have just now gained a pound. Trust me, I had plenty of extra weight before the babies came along.  I will post some pix when I get a little bigger.

Shopping List

I am currently putting together a list of items I want to purchase to make my life with the twins easier. If anyone who reads this knows of some suggestions, please let me know. I know a lot of you know people with multiples and I want to know all about the latest and greatest inventions and creations to make my life with twins easier (read: so I can try to stop freaking out about having two babies at once!) On a positive note, I have started marathon watching Jon and Kate Plus 8 and it is really helping me to believe, "If they can do it, I can do it."  If you have never seen this show, you have got to watch it.  I am thinking about emailing Kate for suggestions. She'll probably laugh when I tell her I am only having two!

Housing Update

It's been awhile since I updated everyone on the housing situation.  We are still hopeful that someone will buy our house and extremely grateful that someone did buy the one we were building.  I don't even want to think about how stressed out I would be right now if we were still looking at owning two houses.  God definitely answered that prayer for us.  We are currently waiting on our builder to bid the addition with his subcontractors.  Hopefully we will know the final numbers on that in the next three weeks so we can start the addition soon.  If someone offers on the house in the meantime, we'll probably sell it.  Once we start the addition, we will take the house off the market until it is completed and then re-list it as a new property.  We are definitely at peace with staying here and adding on or with selling and renting while we build what we want.  I am not sure our house will sell in this market though. Maybe after the election...

Two Hearts

The first time you hear your child's heartbeat is, without a doubt, one of the most beautiful sounds you will ever hear.  And being blessed to hear two heartbeats at the same time... I cannot even begin to describe how that feels.  Especially after enduring a miscarriage and knowing what it feels like to lose a child that God chose to place inside you. The sound of their beating hearts is beautifully reassuring. As is hearing your doctor say that there is a better than 90% chance that everything will be fine.  What an incredible gift.  Thank You, Father, for the gift of two beating hearts.  

Rocky Road

Each day is a new adventure. Lately mine have all just seemed to center around the toilet.  If I am not contemplating having to throw up, throwing up, or having just finished throwing up, I am taking Sydney there or cleaning up after her.  Or telling her we just went to the toilet; and no, we don't need to go again.  Why did no one tell me that once you potty train them, they become OBSESSED with the bathroom?!  Any time we leave the house, she must go once we get wherever we are going, if she's bored, if the food has arrived at a restaurant, and any other time it strikes her fancy.  How long does this last?!! If any of you have advice, please pass it my way.

Any advice on the battle of the nausea would also be greatly appreciated.  I have tried two prescriptions from my doc so far and they don't work.  I can't stand ginger anything when I am not nauseated, so I definitely can't stand it now.  As you can see from the blog, I am currently 10 weeks along, so I am HOPING the magic number is 13 weeks for it to be over. Please pray that it is over soon.

In other news, my blog friend Betsy and her husband Brian, are currently in Kyrgyzstan meeting their son.  This is an incredible story of faith and love and I highly encourage all of you to read their story and pray for them right now- http://7313miles.blogspot.com/  They just met him today and they will get to spend six more days with him before they have to leave him for a couple of months. Please pray for strength and trust so they can endure this very difficult time apart from their son.  

On a personal note, experiencing this incredible journey through their eyes has been very bittersweet for me.  Please pray that God continues to impart His peace to me about placing our adoption on hold.  Bringing our daughter home from there is still one of the deepest desires of my heart.  I believe that the time for this is not now, but it still hurts because I am so emotionally connected to this little girl I know is part of our family and I just don't understand why the time isn't right. I trust in the Lord with all of my heart and I know He is in control of everything. Please pray for me to find the peace I am so desperately searching for. 

And So a New Chapter Begins

If you are reading this, you have probably found your way from our previous blog to our new one.  I enjoyed blogging so much during our foray into the adoption process, I decided to continue blogging even though our plans have changed substantially.  I have enjoyed getting to know you and your families through this new world of blogging and I hope that you will continue to follow our journey even though we are not on the same path anymore.   I look forward to following your families' journeys in adoption and hope to one day be traveling it again.

For those of you who are new to my world, we began adopting an unknown little girl from Kyrgyzstan in February and in June we found out we were pregnant.  In July, we found out we were expecting twins.  We have decided to place the adoption on hold for now in order to focus on our soon to be three year old daughter and two newborns.  If you would like to read my previous blog about our adoption journey, please go to www.fillmorekyrg.blogspot.com